Elisabetta Canalis and George Clooney have been together a year and a half. That’s a long time (for Clooney), and it’s much longer than I had in my own private betting pool (me and my dog). Throughout their year-and-a-half relationship, there have been various tabloid stories about how Canalis had “tamed” Clooney, and how this was finally the girl who would get Clooney down the aisle. You’ve just got to roll your eyes, because they said that about all of Clooney’s other girls too. It’s a national pastime, theorizing how long Clooney’s latest escort/girlfriend will last. Personally, I think Canalis has lasted this long because she’s one clever hooker. Of course, I also think she must have accumulated some really disgusting and embarrassing dirt on Clooney that she’s blackmailing him with. Just a theory!

Anyway, this In Touch Weekly story is most definitely crap, but it amused me to no end:

Is the world’s best-known bachelor about to turn in his little black book for baby booties? George Clooney, 49, has been dating Italian television star Elisabetta Canalis, 32, for a year, and now she has started hearing the ticking of her biological clock.

“She wants a baby with George,” the insider says. “As much as George has recently fought the idea of marriage and family, he is finally thinking about settling down. But Elisabetta doesn’t even really care if they get married. She has a laid-back European mentality and doesn’t need a wedding right away.”

[From In Touch Weekly, print edition]

A few of points:

*Elisabetta is 32? My ass.

*Of course Elisabetta “doesn’t even really care if they get married”. As I said, she’s a clever hooker. Why sign up for a lifetime when you’re getting paid by the week?

*I think the tabloids are using euphemisms at this point. “Laid-back European mentality” = cocaine, threesomes and light bondage.

*Not to get too harsh (whatever), but would Eli be able to reproduce naturally? Wasn’t she born a man? She has an Adam’s apple.

*Does anyone else enjoy that Eli’s descriptor is now “Italian television star”? You know what they’re talking about, right? Her completely ridiculous and embarrassing appearance on Leverage! She’s a television star now!

Photos courtesy of WENN.