I was glancing through these new photos of Gerard Butler from an event last night in Los Angeles, and I almost had a heart attack. I was scrolling down, and there it was – Gerard and Jon Hamm (and Jon’s f-cking girlfriend). Is the universe still here? Is the concentrated hotness too much? I get that some women think Gerard has a big, pasty, potato face and that he looks dirty. But don’t you understand that his dirtiness is part of the appeal? He’s not Kellan Lutz. He’s not some coiffed pretty boy always looking at himself in the mirror. Unless the mirror is a headboard, and you’re on your knees. Gerard will f-ck the hell out of you without knowing your name. As for The Hamm… Jesus, the beard is back, and the twinkle in his eye and oh my God….

Here’s how I imagine the above conversation:

Gerard: Oh my God, do you know Kaiser? She’s my girlfriend!
The Hamm: That’s so weird, because she and I have been, you know…
Gerard: No, I get it. She’s not a one-man girl. I think she’s keeping Jeremy Renner and Clive Owen on the side too.
The Hamm: Well, good for her. Do you think she wants us to wrestle in a vat of chocolate for her affection?
Gerard: Probably. I’m game. I’ll do anything for her love.
The Hamm: Me too!
Gerard: Bring on the chocolate! Put up your dukes!

That’s good stuff, right? In truth, this event was for Artists for Peace and Justice, which is a cause Gerard has been involved with for a while. They’ve been raising money for Haiti, so whatever is happening in these photos, it’s for a good cause. Radar claims that Gerard had a “non-stop stream of ladies, all wanting a piece of him” at the party, but that his heart still belonged to me… he reportedly told a friend, “I can handle it at the beginning of the night but by the end I am so over it… for heaven’s sake I just want a little space!” Come home, Gerard. I’ll give you space.

Oh, look… Diane Lane was even trying to get a piece of him. Hands off, Diane.